Latest Tosspot Report

Matchset 9

C NUT FC decided to make life hard for themselves as Cookie had a disastrous sporting weekend. The Gash Lane faithful could only watch in disbelief as their heroes capitulated against their big rivals. A Harry Kane goal tempered by a Wes Morgan minus point was all Duncity had to offer but it was enough for them win by eight clear points to derail the C NUT Tosspot title express. Fraser Forster suffered a minus one but the big hit came on Saturday night when C NUT's Toffeemen, Seamus Coleman and Phil Jagielka secreted five goals each. The latter took the brunt of the blame and was shown the door later in the week. A Hazard warning was issued to Sardine and the Chelsea man promptly delivered ten points to get John Terry's All Gold back on top of the league. He was ably assisted by Phil Coutinho who collected five points and Fatty Slimani who scored his third goal for JTAG. Wandering Dog were up against in-form Shankers and had to perform well to keep in the hunt. Dayglo Costa was the main contributor with five points while former Shankers, Christian Benteke and Riyad Mahrez scored five points between them.

These results leave the title finely balanced with just two games to go. Cookie probably has the easiest games but Sardine could prove to be an obstacle. Bunny will need to make the most of the game against Fruitcakes as he faces the Ninja in his final game. Scott E Dog will have to overcome Dirty Dunc in his last game but Duncity have been rather fortunate to win four games with their modest 72 points total scored.

Despite brushing aside Somerset Fruitcakes to make up some of their horrendous points balance, Smegma United have a mountain to climb to avoid the wooden spoon for the second consecutive season. Marcos Alonso scored and clean sheeted while Conor Wickham and Paul Pogba scored for Smeggers to thrash a poor Fruitcakes side. However, those boys are going to have to go some to beat Mighty Wanderer. Fruitcake, meanwhile, has now been trophyless since 2005 when he pipped Pip in what was then the Up Yer Clunge Cup.